Have you ever been in a situation where you’re not happy with yourself?
I know I’ve had those moments and I’m still struggling with that.
I remember there was this particular time in my life where I was so happy and so content about the physical me. Mind you my body wasn’t in that ideal body weight, my skin wasn’t all glowing nor perfect at that time. I do have some spots on my face. Breakouts during that time of the month. But I just couldn’t be bothered by it. Like everything, everything wasn’t perfect and so what?
There was no pressure about how I should look if you get what I mean. I can be so imperfect and yet so happy.
That was freedom.
Then I started to mingle around with a set of people who look at things differently. The opposite me I must say. I had a hard time fitting in and started to question my worth based on their standard. Though I was a rebel at the same time – trying to be different I got sucked in.
The pressure was so intense that I gave in.
It was so sad that I got cautious and scared for the wrong reason when I should be concerned about a far greater thing.
Thankfully I managed to get out. Even that wasn’t a pleasant journey I don’t wish it on anyone. Having said that, if you ever in a situation where you need to choose yourself over others ALWAYS choose you. No one else will look after you, other than yourself.
Have I fully recovered? Have I gained back my confidence and claimed my freedom?
Not really because there is some ‘residue’ left. I need to keep ‘practising’ so that the love for myself is way stronger than the self-doubt.
Speaking of which, self love is not as simple as or as easy as when you spell it out.
We are surrounded by tons of things and people who will make us question our decision or make us feel bad for not being like them.
What they actually fail to see is that each and every one of us has a different capacity and means. Some might say, if you love yourself, invest on this or splurge on that.
Not everyone can afford to spend every penny that they have on something that the others could.
Or, they might have the dough but they don’t have the time or the energy.
Self love could be the effort to silencing the voice in their head that has been bugging them for all their life.
It could be getting out of the bed or making themselves a cup of warm tea because they find comfort in that.
If only each and every one of us could be a little gentle of our words. Not poking others insecurities just so that they can pat on their ego.