I don’t really know how to describe this.
But let me try.
I usually pick and choose what I show to the world.
I’m not gonna lie whatever that is happening right now, freaks me out.
I spoke to a friend and said this to her.
“I wouldn’t mind should anything happened to me, for if I’m gone my parents wouldn’t have to mourn my death.”
That’s a relief.
But I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I’m the cause of other’s misery.
So back to the topic, yes, I might be posting my short conversation with my nephews or a picture of scenery or even flower that I snapped a long time ago before this Movement Restriction Order or even the lockdown.
That is my coping mechanism.
On the other hand, there are things that I choose to keep it to myself.
There are plenty of sad things around us so I figured why must I add on to it.
I have had days that I don’t want to get out of the bed. Days that I don’t feel like cooking. Days that I’ll be looking out at the window and my thoughts are floating and drifting away like those fluffy clouds. Days that I’ll be crying out of sudden and it’ll take me a while to stop.
Some days I’ll reach out to those who are dear to me. Some days I’d prefer to keep it to myself and hope it’ll all be gone by dawn.
Whatever process I have to go through to survive this journey, I decided so be it.